The second part of the Thursday night meeting was a series of instructional talks based around various subjects, all designed to help us out with hopefully whatever it was that could be a cause for concern in our lives.
Both myself and my sister have since said that we used to dread Thursday evenings as we had to go through to Douglas and sit in the kingdom hall for two hours, as a small child this I remember as being quite boring, the only redeeming thing was the fact you got to have a catch up with your friends afterwards.
As I grew older and gained a better knowledge and understanding of the faith I was able to participate in the meetings more and join in the question and answer items where possible, this did help to alleviate some of the boredom of having to sit there for all that time. But there was always that hatred of Thursdays, once I got to high school it began to become more apparent to me that having to do this chore on a Thursday evening was not ideal. I would get in to school on a Friday morning and my mates would ask did I see “that telly programme” last night or did I catch the football game etc., and always my answer would be no, then I would have to go through the task of explaining to them why and so on. This at times left me feeling isolated and a bit of an outsider. Now the witnesses take on this is that you should feel proud that you are different and an outsider as the bible states that you should be “no part of the world “ and that you would “become objects of hatred on my account”, well from my point of view I didn’t want to be an outsider, I just (like most people) wanted to feel accepted, perhaps not by everyone but at least by the people that I was closest to. The witnesses also drum into you that you need to draw close to Jehovah, they would almost have that as a running theme… now the problem with this for me has always been that I struggle to put faith in something or form a relationship with someone I have no contact with. Sure I read books and like many people admire a character, but at the end of the book I am fully aware that they are still a character and not real therefore I don’t have a relationship with them, so for me he was not real.
I never formed a relationship with god I have never spoken to him and I have never been shown tangible evidence of his existence. Now people may argue the opposite by saying things such as look at the good that goes on in the world and even look at the world its beautifully made, that in itself is evidence of gods existence. For me that doesn’t make sense, for as much good as there is in the world there is just as much bad, and science can explain most of the worlds existence in a way that is far more tangible. So with all this in mind it has been something I have never been able to do, I cannot form a relationship with god. I have felt that way for such a long time, being totally immersed in the Jehovah’s witness world you just cant say that… it doesn’t go down well if you understand what I mean.